Acaro’s Farewell Show
Acaro / Sexcrement / Untombed / Hope Before The Fall
Great Scott, Allston, MA 01/02/15
This was a farewell show for top local metal band Acaro at Great Scott we recently attended. I’m not sure if it was sold out, but if not, it was surely well attended. This show just goes to show that there is a thriving metal audience in Boston and if you have the right show they will come.
Also it was a great show and we’ve always considered Acaro one of the best metal bands we covered. And the reason now, their bidding adieu, is the singer’s Chris Farrell’s getting married in the last year but more so the birth of his twin daughters! Hey, I got twin sisters, too! And we wish them all the best.
But in more serious news- this is a dual texting review. This review is performed by untrained un-specialists. If you feel you’re not quite as inept as us or not completely unspecial please do not attempt this at home. We have spent countless seconds learning all of this and by denouncing any knowledge of what we’ve learned we feel we are the only ones fully equipped to attempt this dangerous endeavor.
So sit back, unwind a bit, untangle the stresses and worries of every day life and let your limbs and synapses dissolve into one blurry dot on a monitor screen- as we once again, simultaneously ascend and descend into the heights and depths of dual texting.
Slimedog- So I think I got this right. This is the debut show of a metal band, correct?
Andy- Ah, I think not. In fact this is a metal farewell show for one of Boston’s best metal bands.
Slimedog- Sexcrement?
Andy- Well Sexcrement is certainly an awesome band, but I don’t think they’ve climaxed just yet.
Slimedog- I agree. It is in fact Acaro’s last show, which is a shame. But at least we still have Quiet Riot.
Andy- You mean the guy with the hockey mask?
Slimedog- Yeah, best metal band from Boston. Hey, the first band is taking the stage.
Andy- Oh yah, I think their name is something like Hope Springs Eternal.
Slimedog- Close, it’s Hope Before The Fall. It’s like me at the end of the night when I’m sure I can walk safely to my bed but always hit the floor.
Andy- Oh I see. They’re not too bad. Nice snappy beat.
Slimedog- Yeah kind of thrash instrumentation with death vocals along with some tricky parts as well.
Andy- Speaking of tricky parts I wonder where Simon your pet giraffe went.
Slimedog- Oh, he’s backstage partyin’ with Sexcrement, while we sit out here texting. The next band is called Untombed.
Andy- Giraffe’s have all the fun. Hmm, apparently somebody didn’t put all the nails in the coffin lid.
Slimedog- Yeah it’s kind of sad that our mode of transportation is more popular than us. This band is a perfect example of metal I don’t get. Can you figure them out?
Andy- Not sure, but I believe they have two singers in case the audience is hard of hearing.
Slimedog- I just checked they’re facebook and it says they play death metal which is appropriate. But now it’s time for the best metal band of all time.
Andy- Yes that’s true. But I dare say that Sexcrement would be the best band of all time even if they played country music.
Slimedog- Oh I thought Quiet Riot was next but goddammit you’re right! Best stage show in the universe. And Look!- Simon is up there dancing with the strippers.
Andy- There’s something about scantily clad women dancing on a stage that peeks folks interest. If nothing else they have really good marketing.
Slimedog- It’s surreal and sexy at the same time. Motley Crue meets Black Oak Arkansas. Good tunes, too. Oh, no! Simon’s hair just caught on fire from the stage lights above the stage.
Andy- Not sure it was the lights or those two hot babes writhing on his back, but we’d better put him out. Quick throw your drink on him.
Slimedog- No worries, the exotic dancers smothered Simon out with their ample bosoms. Which gives me an idea. Just have to borrow someone’s lighter.
Andy- Ooh yah, I’m right behind you. Hey what happened they’re leaving the stage?
Slimedog- Damn! There goes my chance of being doused by a boob. But on the bright side now it’s Acaro time.
Andy- True it’s been awhile since we’ve seen them, but they sound just as good as ever.
Slimedog- They do, Felipe is the best metal guitarist in town. It seem the singer Chris not only got married but had twins causing the bass player to move to Sacramento.
Andy- Yes it’s sad to think that this is their last show, but who knows, maybe they’ll have a reunion 30 years from now and make a buck or two.
Slimedog- Or maybe Simon will start a family and we’ll start a fleet of giraffe travel aides across Boston.
Andy- Now that’s an idea. We just have to figure out how to get him laid. Maybe one of those lovely Sexcrement ladies will oblige.
Slimedog- They did ask for Simon’s number, I gave them yours. But this is a great idea. We just have to keep it secret, especially from the S.P.C.T.A.
Andy- The what?
Slimedog- The society for the protection of cruelty toward animals.
Andy- Oh yah, but if that’s cruelty, sign me up. Hey, Acaro just finished and they were great. What say we see if Simon can get us into the Sexcrement after party.
Slimedog- I already did and no dice. It’s a long walk back to the TNB offices. We better get travelin’.
Andy- Never trust a giraffe. Let’s go…
