Thursday March 28th 2024

American Burn / Descend Upon The Sane / Rhino King / Birnam Wood

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American Burn / Descend Upon The Sane / Rhino King / Birnam Wood
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 11/7/15

 

As most of you know, TNB’s facebook was recently deactivated by the powers that be. Because we, unwittingly, existed outside their guidelines.

What you might not be aware of is, because Andy Bang actually created our site and is responsible for it, he has now had to pay the price and is currently serving seven years, hard labor, in a state penitentiary in Kentucky.

But have no fear as he is adapting quite well to his new surroundings and has made many new friends with some interesting and muscular inmates.

And the best news is, he occasionally gets out on furlough. So we were lucky enough to meet up and attend a recent Metal Matinee at the Midway.

The following is a dual texting live review. Do not try to adjust your television set while reading this on your computer laptop. We have now taken control of all your senses, all your thoughts (especially the naughty ones) and all your gas points at Stop & Shop.

So sit back and relax, let your thoughts dissolve like a sixties LSD flashback. Feel the vibes of Jefferson Airplane cruise through your mind while Jerry Garcia of the Dead cops a cheap feel on your thighs.

Or just read ahead- to the final destination- a place beyond space and time and scratch tickets- the dual texting zone!

 

Slimedog- Wow this is gonna be a crazy show!

Andy- Ya it’s been awhile since I’ve been at the Midway after getting sent to Kentucky, so I’m really looking forward to it.

Slimedog- That was nice that you took the rap for us just so I wouldn’t miss any show reviews. I hear you made some interesting new friends?

Andy- Well, sort of. I guess you could say I discovered some new uses for old body parts.

Slimedog- Finding new uses for tools, so to speak. So today is a mental matinee, is that correct?

Andy- I think you meant to say metal matinee. However, depending on how it goes, we may leave mentally disturbed.

Slimedog- You mean the same way we walked in the door? I like to think of myself as being very sane but some of the voices in my head disagree.

Andy- Just tell them to piss off. That’s what I do.

Slimedog- And talking about the Talking Heads, in this first band, I see two members who are long- haired and two who are short-haired. In the old days this would never happen. If you showed up with short hair for a metal audition they would send you home.

Andy- True. But times have changed and now even dogs and cats live together in sin.

Slimedog- And men with women, which is far more frightening. The first band, Birnam Wood, plays what I would call traditional metal.

Andy- Yah they sound a bit Sabbath-y but the vocals are more on the Uriah Heep side.

Slimedog- Yeah they make me think of Sabbath a lot and Metalica a little. And I like them a lot. I wouldn’t call them retro, just solid metal.

Andy- A bit of a throwback for sure, and a solid start to the festivities.

Slimedog- Now it’s time for Rhino King, which I’m led to believe will be a musical recreation of The Lion King, only with fatter animals.

Andy- Hmm, that sounds rather intriguing. I wonder how a rhino gets to be king? Perhaps it has to do with the size of his horn.

Slimedog- Yes, how horny he is, so to speak. Well, even though this is quite different from what I expected, it’s quite good. And using my deja vu I predict their recorded music will be reviewed at the same time this review goes in.

Andy- I like them. They have good energy and solid vocals. A bit of a cross between old and new genres.

Slimedog- I like the drummer a lot. Not really a heavy hitter but he swings. He seems very comfortable playing metal and very good at it as well.

Andy- Yeah he’s got good timing. Which reminds me. It’s time to check in with my case officer from the Kentucky prison system. He wants to make sure I’m still at home.

Slimedog- Saying your wife was having a baby to get a furlough was a good excuse you thought up, but I’m not so sure it’ll work for the TNB Xmas Party. (Sunday Dec. 20th at the Midway 4pm- six bands and unlimited free pizza!)

Andy- I guess I could tell them I’m a polygamist and now my other wife is gonna pop, but I think that’s illegal too. Except in Utah.

Slimedog- Well our web server is from Utah, maybe you can marry them. Now we can descend into the sane.

Andy- Not sure that’s possible. I mean, us being sane…., who would believe it. Who’s up next?

Slimedog- No, not The Who. It’s the name of the band and their songs are fast. Is this thrash metal?

Andy- Oh, maybe. They sound pretty good. What do you think.

Slimedog- Well, it’s not thrash and I feel there’s something missing from it. I can’t give a thumbs up.

Andy- Yeah, I see your point. I think they’re a bit too progressive for your taste buds.

Slimedog- BTW, what was the hard labor you had to do in prison?

Andy- I was forced to listen to Captain And Tennille 24/7 for six months. Now for some strange reason I want to kill every muskrat on the planet.

Slimedog- Next it might be “Ben” by Michael Jackson. His love song to a rat. Now it’s time for American Burn.

Andy- Yes, they seem to be quite popular based on the excitement of the other patrons.

Slimedog- On the plus side, I can say this is the tightest and most professional sounding band of the day.

Andy- Yes, I think their musicianship is quite good. Lots of energy as well. The content is a bit hard to digest.

Slimedog- And this is rock music not metal. Throwing a few bars of headbanging music into a song doesn’t change it. It’s not a good sign that instead of thinking of Sabbath I’m picturing Foghat!

Andy- Hmm, this is all very confusing. Before my stint in Kentucky metal music meant hardcore infused death metal. Now apparently it means something else. If this keeps up, I may have to stay down south permanently.

Slimedog- Well, I’m sure the seven years will fly by like a breeze. And I believe that the snowmobile that we ride to the shows will ride a lot smoother once it snows.

Andy- That’ll be a relief for the horses. Maybe one day we should try gassing it up?

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