Crazy Jay’s New Band Showcase Vol. Two
Trans Fats / Pity Whores / Empty Vessels / Fast Times / Rat Battalion / SFO
Midway Café, Jamaica Plain, MA 7/7/2012
The following is a Dual Dental Text review where Andy Bang and Slimedog do a live review while texting each other during delicate dental surgery. In no way do we condone the misuse of surgical anesthesia, musical anesthesia, Michael Jackson, interrupting Polar Bears dietary regiments or the disregard of dental office protocol. Any notion that we do in fact is totally denied by all parties involved and the number of our attorneys is available upon request. Please sit back, take a deep breathe and enjoy the following discourse but please do not try to replicate this experience in your own home, dentist visits or wildlife preserves.
Slimedog- That was a great idea you had about texting while we were at different dentist offices. Too bad we’re both having root canals.
Andy- Yah, I’m having a few reservations watching the nurse holding a huge syringe.
Slimedog– I just got some nitrous oxide so I may be silly today, unlike my usual serious self.
Ndy- Grahlav charlga, progga … sorry my face is numbing up. Not sure how long I can talk … how ’bout that Scum Fuckin’ Oi band (SFO) we saw the other day?
Slimedog- That was their second gig and my second time reviewing them, I wonder if I’ll review all their gigs. Very promising band as the kangaroos say
Andy- Yeah, they had a cool, raw, old time hardcore type of sound.
Slimedog- Agreed, did you know money is the root canal of all evils. Rat Battalion was next.
Andy- Hmm, arg uh … sorry again, I think the nurse was just sitting on my face …Yes, Rat Battalion was a vintage thrash metal outfit.
Slimedog- I liked their style but I did not think they executed it well. I’m turning up the nitrous every time the nurse leaves the room.
Andy- Cool…It’s a good thing my fingers still work. My face feels like my ass …
Slimedog- Looks like it, too. So I guess its two bums down for Rat Battalion.
Andy- Ha ha … The next band up was Fast Times and was definitely the bomb.
Slimedog- Straight ahead punk done very well. Just as a side note, there appears to be yellow popsicles floating all around me.
Andy- No doubt the purple turtles will soon be following … Hang on, the doc is routing around in my ass … I mean mouth … it was cool to find out about Fast Times link to the Nervous Eaters.
Slimedog- Yeah, the singer of Fast Times is the son of one of the Nervous Eaters, one of Boston’s classic punk bands.
Andy- Yeah, the Nervous Eaters are an awesome Boston band …up next was Empty Vessels.
Slimedog- Polar bears are now eating the yellow popsicles. I keep saying to the dentist my mouth hurts though you could probably saw my head off and I wouldn’t feel it.
Andy- Not sure why … but my butt really hurts, I think I may be an unwilling participant of some bizarre sex video… anyhow, I thought Empty Vessels were really bitchin’.
Slimedog- I was outside getting a CD from Fast Times so I missed a bit. They seemed like hardcore with death vocals.
Andy- I thought Empty Vessels was an interesting blend of punk and metal…my fingers seem to be the only part of me still functioning…how about our old friends the Pity Whores, they certainly didn’t disappoint.
Slimedog- Somehow I’ve ended up naked in a tree outside the dentist office. I can see them through the window, frantically searching for me; thank goodness I still have my cell phone. Yes, the Pity Whores are one of the best live bands in the universe. I think they are also one of the tallest bands in all the land. When they ran an ad for members instead of mentioning musical interests it must of said, “Must be over 6’3”.
Andy- Yes, the Pity Whores are awesome, especially live
Slimedog- I’m back inside. They lured me inside with nitrous oxide. I’m fully clothed eating popsicles with the polar bears who are also dressed.
Andy- That’s comforting…over here, out of the corner of my eye I can see the nurse banging the doctor with a strap-on…I’ve gotta get out of here.
Slimedog- I’m trying to pass legislation that all bands can only record live. Last band was Trans Fats.
Andy- The Trans Fats are awesome.
Slimedog- Todd, the singer, does not look like the typical punk singer but he has a great voice for it.
The new bassist is really great. Well, we’re out of here. What are you gonna do? I’m going to a strip club with the polar bears.
Andy- I concur, the Trans Fats really rock out…I’m sneaking out the back door as we text, I’ll meet you there …
Stay tuned for the full review of Slimedog, Andy and the Pollar Bears at the strip club coming to a TNB article near you.
