Episode 13: Jimmy Takes A Trip
(An excerpt from The Chronicles of Jimmy Thrash by Andy Bang)
It’s Saturday morning and Jimmy’s up early. Normally he doesn’t venture too far from his bed until noontime. But, today he has to make a special trip downtown to buy a present for his nephew. He decides he’s not ready to leave his apartment just yet, and begins dawdling. He grabs his acoustic guitar and serenades his cat, Nads, with a little Spanish flamenco ditty.
The temperature outside is pushing 90. The apartment’s AC isn’t working, so the front window is open to let in whatever breezes manage to rise up from the road below. Jimmy stops playing his guitar and sticks his head out of the window, but finds no relief from the searing heat. Suddenly, a hot breeze whips up and caresses his face just as the phone rings.
It’s Jimmy’s sister Teri on the phone. Teri says, “Hi Jimmy, you know your nephew is turning six tomorrow and is expecting a present from his favorite uncle.”
Jimmy replies, “Yah, I know. …I’m gonna go downtown today and try to get something. Gotta get out of my apartment anyway, …. before I melt.”
Since Jimmy lives in Allston, he can take the green line train downtown for most of the way. After he finishes up with Teri and gets fresh water for Nads, he exits his apartment complex and walks off towards the nearby train stop. Along the way, he runs into his good friend, Psychedelic Pete.
Jimmy says, “Hey Pete, How’s it goin?” and extends his closed fist.
Pete responds, “Hey Jimmy, things are bangin’.” Pete returns the gesture and the two exchange a fist bump.
Pete says, “Hey man, I have something cool for you to check out.”
Jimmy queries, “Oh yah?”
Pete puts his hand in his pocket and produces a small plastic ziploc bag. He opens the bag and pulls out a tiny square of paper. He hands the paper to Jimmy.
Jimmy takes the paper and examines it. One side is blank and the other side has a picture of a music record. Jimmy asks, “What’s this?”
Pete replies, “It’s something called ‘blotter’ … I haven’t tried it yet, but it’s supposed to be kinda like speed, I think. You can have that one to check out.”
Pete closes the ziploc bag and puts it back in his pocket. He adds, “Let me know what you think?”
Jimmy says, “Cool, …I am kinda tired today … maybe it will set me up … thanks Pete.”
Jimmy says goodbye to Pete and continues his walk to the train stop. As he’s walking, he puts the small square of paper in his mouth and swallows it.
Jimmy rides the train for the next 20 minutes and then gets off at Park Street to walk the rest of the way. He’s heading towards a small family owned toy shop called, Gippetto’s Toys. He’s never been their before, but hears they have very unique handmade toys.
Jimmy arrives at the toy shop and walks inside. The clerk behind the counter looks over at Jimmy and says, “Hello sir, how are you today?”
Jimmy looks back at the clerk and says, “I’m good, how’s it goin’?”
The clerk replies, “Fine sir, please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”
Jimmy replies, “ OK, thanks.” and starts looking around.
Another customer enters the shop. Jimmy checks his watch and notes that it’s 12 PM. He browses for the next 30 minutes, but can’t make up his mind. He finally decides to check back with the clerk.
Jimmy catches the clerk’s eye and asks, “Excuse me sir, are these all the toys you have?”
The clerk responds, “Mostly, but we do carry some specialty toys in the back room. Would you like to have a look?”
Jimmy nods affirmatively saying, “Yes, if its not to much trouble.”
The clerk replies, “No trouble at all, sir. Just go through the door over there.”
Jimmy walks over to the far side of the shop and opens the door to the back room. He walks through the doorway….
As he enters the room a strange feeling rushes over his body and takes over his senses. He starts feeling dizzy and stops for a second. He feels the blood rushing to his head. He touches his face with his hands and is amazed at how acute the touch in his finger tips have become. He finally manages to shake off the dizziness and begins exploring the room.
The lighting in the room is poor, but Jimmy can hear the faint buzz of a small motor whining in the distance. The buzzing steadily grows louder as Jimmy moves forward. He glimpses a yellowish object moving across the room out of the corner of his eye. He turns towards the object and then quickly ducks as a small toy propeller plane whizzes past his head.
Jimmy notes 2 tiny figures inside the plane. A man with a black handle bar mustache wearing a top hat and cape and a young woman who’s hands appear to be tied. The woman is yelling, “You have to let me go … please, let me go …” The man replies, “Ha ha, I have you now …. and you’ll never get away ….” The plane continues traveling across the room until it finally disappears out of sight.
Jimmy’s thoughts are racing almost as fast as his heart is pounding. Suddenly, he hears a faint voice yell up to him from the floor below. He looks down and sees a small figure looking up at him. He bends down to get a better look and observes a tiny man wearing a strange uniform, equipped with hat, boots, gloves and sword.
The man draws his sword and exclaims, “Submit foul beast, … be you friend or foe? … if foe, then prepare to die.”
Jimmy looks whimsically at the tiny man and replies, “Then I guess I’m a friend … my name is Jimmy … who are you?”
The man lowers his sword and puts it back in it’s holster. He then responds, “I am, Sir Rectumfire … the 5th Musketeer … but my friends call me, Rex.”
Jimmy extends his finger to Rex and Rex reciprocates by extending his hand. They exchange greetings.
Jimmy says, “Nice to meet you Rex.”
Rex responds, “Likewise, Jimmy”
Jimmy inquires, “Do you know who the 2 people in the plane were?”
Rex replies, “Why yes, I do. In fact, I was just seconds too late to thwart their exit. The lady is none other than my one true love, Paulina. And the dastardly driver is know as the Magician. He is a powerful henchman of the evil puppet mistress known as Lady Dom.”
Jimmy asks, “So what do they want with Paulina?”
Rex moves closer and lays his hand on Jimmy’s wrist. He answers, “Lady Dom is a hideous foul beast who will stop at nothing to satisfy her vile cravings. She has stolen Paulina to turn her into a mindless slave. One by one, Lady Dom is capturing the good town folk and turning them into her puppet slaves.”
Imploringly, Rex looks up at Jimmy and asks, “Please, Jimmy, … I need to get Paulina back, will you help me?”
Jimmy feels Sir Rectumfire’s pain and replies, “Well, … sure, … I’ll do what I can, … but I think my size may prove to be a problem?”
Rex exclaims, “Don’t worry, ,… I have a solution…..” Rex rummages through his pockets momentarily. “…here Jimmy, take this pill and swallow it … it will make you my size, … temporarily.”
Rex extends his hand to Jimmy and shows him a tiny pill. Jimmy takes the pill, examines it briefly and then swallows it.
In a few seconds, Jimmy’s vision blurs as his surroundings rapidly get larger. He feels as though the floor is rushing up at him. The light grows darker as his clothes envelop him. When the metamorphosis ends, Jimmy crawls out from under his clothes to see Rex standing in front of him.
Rex exclaims, “Ahh Jimmy, you made it … how do you feel?”
Unsure of what just happened, Jimmy responds, “OK, … I guess.”
Rex continues, “Good … we don’t have a moment to spare … here, put these clothes on.”
Jimmy looks down and suddenly realizes he’s buck naked. Rex smiles and says, “Sorry old chap, the pill works on you … not your clothes.”
Jimmy takes the clothes from Rex and puts them on. They consist of a Musketeer’s uniform fully equipped with all the trappings.
Rex exclaims, “Ahh Jimmy, you look splendid!!” and helps Jimmy adjust several pieces of his new uniform.
After a few moments, Rex inquires, “Uh, Jimmy, … do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
Jimmy replies, “No, go ahead.”
Rex looks at Jimmy a bit sheepishly and asks, “Well, … what’s it like to have one of those?”
Jimmy responds, “One of what?”
Rex clarifies, “You know, … one of those?” and points his finger at Jimmy’s crotch.
Jimmy exclaims, “Oh, you mean a ‘dick’?”
Rex nods affirmatively.
Jimmy inquires, “What do you mean … don’t you guys have ’em?”
Rex answers, “Of course not Jimmy, we’re simply dolls, it would be a waste of time for the doll maker to give us one of those.”
Jimmy thinks for a second and says, “Yah. … I guess I see your point … well, no big deal … you’re better off without ’em… ‘dicks’ are mostly trouble anyway.”
Rex inquires, “What do you mean?”
Jimmy continues, “Well, they kinda have a mind of their own … and can get you into all sorts of trouble …. and they try to make you do things … evil things …”
Rex interrupts, “Ahh, … you mean like the evil things Lady Dom makes her puppet slaves do?”
Jimmy replies, “Well, … yah, I guess…”.
Rex quickly draws his sword and exclaims, “Shall I lop it off for you then?”
Jimmy takes a step backwards, raises his hands and exclaims, “No no … that’s OK … I’ve kinda grown attached to this one … and besides, this one’s asleep and shouldn’t bother us … ”
Rex lowers his sword and responds, “Asleep huh, …. well. let us hope that it does not awaken at an inopportune time … and better not let Lady Dom catch wind of it either … come on so, let’s go … we need to find Sheena.”
Rex motions to Jimmy to follow him and they walk towards the edge of a table cloth hanging down from above. As they pass the edge of the table cloth, Jimmy is amazed to discover that he has suddenly entered into a beautiful, sunny meadow with green grass, birds chirping and blue sky spread out across the horizon. They begin walking down a dirt path that extends out in front of them.
Jimmy turns to Rex and asks, “Who’s Sheena?”
Rex replies, “Why, of course, … Sheena is a punk rocker!!”
Jimmy rolls his eyes.
Rex continues, “We need to find Sheena because she knows the way to Lady Dom’s hidden castle. But recently Sheena has become depressed and has dropped out of sight.”
Jimmy inquires, “So how will we find her then?”
Rex responds, “I’m not sure, … but Fish will know.”
Jimmy asks, “Fish?”
Rex replies, “Yes, Fish…, but I warn you … he’s an odd character … and does not give up information easily … come on let’s go, …. time is against us.”
Rex leads Jimmy through a meadow to the edge of a brook. Over the brook is a small bridge leading to the other side. As they approach the bridge, suddenly, a large animal leaps out in front of them from some nearby bushes. Jimmy looks over at the animal and realizes it’s a large purple turtle with a strange device attached to its waist and legs. The turtle blocks their path to the bridge.
Rex draws his sword and exclaims, “Stand aside foul beast or face the consequences.”
The turtle holds it’s ground and stands up on its back legs. It looks over at Rex and Jimmy and begins gyrating it’s lower body in a forward thrusting motion. Jimmy looks over at the strange device the turtle is wearing and finally realizes what it is.
Rex shouts, “What is it you seek foul beast?”
Jimmy replies, “I think I have a pretty good idea what it wants.”
Jimmy whispers into Rex’s ear. Rex’s eyes widen. He raises his sword and shouts, “Prepare to die vile beast!!!”
Jimmy exclaims “Wait Rex, perhaps a handjob will suffice!!!”.
Rex gazes over at Jimmy quizzically ands asks, “A what …?”
The turtle looks over at Jimmy and shakes it’s head in a negative manner.
Jimmy adds, “Never mind…just trying to avoid a fight …”.
Rex again shouts to the turtle, “This is your last warning foul beast, ….you’ll get no satisfaction here, ….leave or die.”
The turtle hesitates for a few seconds, sighs and soon lowers it’s head in dejection. He drops back down on all fours and slowly walks away into the bushes.
Rex exclaims, “Luck is on our side, Jimmy …. quickly, let’s go.”
Rex walks across the bridge first and Jimmy follows. Soon, they arrive at a small pond.
Rex whispers to Jimmy, “This is where Fish lives.”
Rex shouts out, “Fish, Fish, … come out, we have urgent business with you …”.
After a few minutes the calmness of the pond is broken by a fin protruding from the water. The fin moves around in a circular manner and then makes its way over to the edge of the pond and stops. A fish’s head pops out of the water and in a booming voice exclaims, “Who summons me?”
Rex answers, “It is I, Sir Rectumfire …”
Fish squints over at Rex and in a much daintier voice replies, “Oh……what the fuck do you want?”
Fish suddenly notices Jimmy and says, “Hey, who’s your cute friend…?”
Rex clears his throat and replies. “Uh, ….well Fish …. this is Jimmy, but we need to find Sheena, … where is she?”
Fish turns to Jimmy and says, “Hi Jimmy, … aren’t you adorable….”
Rex retorts, “Look Fish we’re in a hurry.”
Fish turns to Rex and says, “Always in a hurry aren’t we Rexy old boy,…. OK, you know how this works, … I’ll do something for you, if you do something for me.”
Rex rolls his eyes and sighs. He then inquires, “OK Fish, …. what do you want?”
Fish gazes at Jimmy and responds, “I’m feeling rather charitable today, … so I only have one very, very tiny request.”
Impatiently, Rex commands, “Out with it Fish…. what do you want?”
Fish gestures to Jimmy and says, “I want him, … to scratch my butt.”
Rex looks over at Jimmy and in a matter-of-fact manner says, “You heard him Jimmy, …go scratch his butt.”
Jimmy looks over at Fish and then Rex and exclaims, “The fuck I will…., go scratch your own ass!!”
Rex replies, “Ah c’mon Jimmy, be reasonable, he’s a fish … he only has fins … he can’t scratch it himself.”
Jimmy looks over at Fish. and Fish smiles back waving his fins.
Rex adds, “Please Jimmy, time is wasting. God only knows what Lady Dom is doing to Paulina at this very minute…”
Understanding Rex’s concern, Jimmy finally says, “OK, OK, I’m going….” and walks over to where Fish is sticking out of the water.
Fish instructs, “Now Jimmy, I had some crazy spicy chili last night and worked up a real nasty crust…. so make sure you dig in deep ….”
Jimmy nearly vomits as he listens to Fish in disgust. Slowly he raises his hand and moves it closer to Fish and then stops.
Fish asks, “Well, what are you waiting for?”
Jimmy responds, “Ah…, sorry, ….but where exactly is your butt, …?”
Fish sighs and replies “… just below the tail fin genius …”
Jimmy pushes his hand into an opening just below the tail fin and Fish yells, “Whoa fella, I just want a scratching, not a fisting….!!!”
Jimmy quickly pulls his hand out and says, “Sorry.”
He then slowly begins moving his fingers back and forth in a scratching motion. Fish moans in approval and commands, “Go left a bit,…yes …now right …oh yaaah, right there …”
Now feeling a bit talkative, Fish adds, “…yah know, I never did get that whole fisting thing anyway … I mean, what’s next, an arm, a head…..?”
Rex interrupts, “OK Fish we get the picture, … enough … you got what you wanted, now tell us where Sheena is.”
Fish exclaims, “OK, OK…don’t have a hissy fit, Rectum-breath … Sheena works at a new bar in town called, ‘The Bloody Stump’ … but be very careful with her, she’s still pretty broken up over Johnny.”
Fish then looks over at Jimmy and says, “ See ya Jimmy, …. you can scratch my butt anytime, sailor!!”
Fish swims across the pond and quickly dives out of site. Jimmy looks at his hand in disgust and urgently washes it off in the water.
Rex turns to Jimmy and says, “C’mon Jimmy, let’s go”.
They leave the pond and start walking down a path towards the nearby town.
Along the way, Jimmy asks Rex, “So what’s the deal with Johnny?”
Rex replies, “Johnny was Sheena’s boyfriend and nobody seems to know what happened to him. But everyone figures the Magician and Lady Dom had something to do with it. You see, the Magician wanted Sheena for himself, but she turned him down. The next day Johnny went missing.”
Rex and Jimmy, finally arrive at ‘The Bloody Stump’ and go inside. They find Sheena waiting tables in the bar. Rex explains to Sheena about what happened to Paulina. Sheena says she’ll help them find Lady Dom’s castle if they promise to help her find out what happened to Johnny. Rex agrees and they all leave the bar and head out on a trek towards Lady Dom’s castle.
Along the way, they come to a bridge crossing a stream. Jimmy recognizes it as the same bridge he crossed earlier. As they approach the bridge, suddenly, the same purple turtle wearing the strange device leaps out in front of them and blocks their path. Just as before, the turtle stands up on its back legs and gyrates it’s hips in a forward thrusting motion.
Rex draws his sword and exclaims, “OK vile beast, I’ve had enough … prepare to do die.” Rex raises his sword over his head and is about to strike, when Sheena yells, “Wait …”
Rex stops his attack and lowers his sword. Sheena examines the turtle closely and says, “That device you are wearing …. there’s only one person who owns a device like that …. you’ve been inside Lady Dom’s castle haven’t you?” The turtle shakes it’s head affirmatively.
Sheena then asks, “Beast, do you know who I am?” The turtle gestures, ‘yes’.
Sheena continues, “I had a boyfriend named Johnny, …” Sheena describes what Johnny looks like to the turtle and inquires, “… did you ever see him at Lady Dom’s castle?” The turtle again gestures, ‘yes’.
Excitedly, Sheena inquires, “Can you take me to him?” The turtle responds affirmatively and begins gyrating it’s hips at Sheena feverishly.
Sheena watches the turtle for a few moments. She then says, “Beast, if I give you what you seek … and you don’t take me to Johnny, … these men will kill you, …do you understand?” The turtle gestures affirmatively.
Sheena looks over at Rex and Jimmy and says, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Sheena disappears into the bushes with the turtle.
Ten minutes pass and Jimmy interjects, “It was really nice of Sheena to take one for the home team, eh Rex?”
Rex throws a confused scowl over in Jimmy’s direction.
Suddenly, the silence is broken when a man’s moaning is heard coming from the bushes. After a few minutes Rex and Jimmy are surprised to see Sheena emerge from the bushes wearing the turtle’s strange device.
Sheena exclaims, “It’s all right!!…it’s Johnny, … it was Johnny all along.”
Rex and Jimmy look over in amazement, as Johnny emerges from the bushes a bit bruised, but otherwise in good health. Sheena introduces Johnny to Rex and Jimmy and they all exchange greetings.
Soon Johnny describes a terrible story about how the Magician cast an evil spell on him that turned him into the purple turtle. And how afterwards, he was brought to Lady Dom’s castle for imprisonment. Luckily, as fortune would have it, he eventually managed to escape, and in the process, steal Lady Dom’s magic strap-on device. The same strap-on device that Lady Dom had commissioned a very powerful wizard to create for protection against the Magician’s spells, should they ever became enemies. The device has the power to protect the one who wears it from any spell the Magician can cast and also reverse a spell when used upon the one affected (as Sheena just demonstrated).
After Johnny finishes his story, he turns to Rex and says, “Quickly now, we must hurry if we want to save Paulina before Lady Dom turns her into a puppet slave.” They all hasten their step and swiftly rush off towards Lady Dom’s castle.
When they arrive at the castle, Johnny leads them to the back of the fortress and shows them a secret passage.
Johnny turns to Rex and says, “This secret passage will lead you to the dungeon where Paulina is being imprisoned. But be very careful, Lady Dom’s puppet slaves are everywhere. Sheena and I will go take care of the Magician.”
Sheena puts on the magic strap-on device and exclaims, “Yah, I have a bone to pick with that guy.”
Johnny and Sheena disappear down a path towards the right side of the castle. Rex and Jimmy quickly make their way down the secret passage towards the dungeon.
After a few minutes, they arrive at the dungeon. The lighting is very dim making it difficult to see. They walk to the middle of the main chamber and Rex shouts out, “Lady Dom, … the game is over, …release Paulina and we will spare your life.” Suddenly, the lights in the dungeon go on.
Lady Dom appears sitting in a large ornate chair at a far end of the chamber. She laughs, “Oh really, I don’t think so … puppet slaves,… kill them.”
Immediately, zombie-like puppet slaves wearing strap-on devices rush into the dungeon from every direction and start moving menacingly towards Rex and Jimmy. Rex turns to Jimmy and exclaims, “Jimmy, there are too many of them, we won’t survive…”
Finally, in an act of desperation, Rex shouts out, “Wait…I want to make a trade…”
Lady Dom laughs, “Huh, what do you think you have that I would want?”
Rex draws his sword and holds it up to Jimmy’s throat. Rex exclaims, “Stop or I’ll kill him.”
Lady Dom retorts, “Go ahead, … you’ll save me the trouble.”
Rex quickly adds, “Yes, but this is no doll …. he is a real man ….with a real ‘dick’…..”
Lady Dom moves to the edge of her chair and gazes at Jimmy with interest. She shouts, “Puppets hold …” The puppet slaves stop their attack.
Lady Dom gets up from the chair and walks over to where Rex and Jimmy are standing. She looks at Rex and asks, “What do you mean? …. What is this ‘dick’ you speak of?”
Rex whispers to Jimmy, “Sorry Jimmy, … but, please drop your draws.”
With Rex’s sword firmly pressed against his throat, Jimmy complies with the request and reluctantly removes his pants.
Lady Dom and the puppet slaves collectively gasp in surprise and amazement. Lady Dom drops to her knees in front of Jimmy and exclaims, “I don’t believe it … it isn’t possible … the one true portend of absolute evil in the flesh, … I’ve heard talk of it in legend, … but never imagined it could be true …”
Lady Dom allows herself and her puppet slaves to indulge in the excitement of their newly found discovery for a few more moments. Eventually, she manages to compose herself and stands back up. She turns to Rex and says, “Yes, … yes, of course, I’ll make a trade, … just don’t hurt it … I mean, him.”
Lady Dom gestures to one of her puppets to go get Paulina. Paulina enters the dungeon and quickly rushes over to Rex, and hugs him. Rex slowly removes his sword from Jimmy’s throat and hands him over to the puppet slaves. The puppets quickly surround Jimmy, gag him, remove the rest of his clothes and strap him to a nearby table.
Lady Dom turns to Rex and Paulina, and says, “You may go now.”
Rex looks over at Lady Dom and asks, “May I say goodbye to my friend before I leave?”
Lady Dom responds, “Yes, of course, but make it quick, before I change my mind.”
Rex bends down to Jimmy and whispers, “Sorry Jimmy, but don’t worry, very shortly the pill I gave you will wear off and you will leave this awful place forever….”
Rex grabs Paulina’s hand and they quickly leave the dungeon.
Lady Dom walks over to the table and looks down at Jimmy. With a devious smiling cursing her lips she commands, “Puppet slaves, make sure nothing happens to him while I’m gone. I’ll be right back. … I have a big surprise for our new guest”. Lady Dom leaves the dungeon.
When she returns she is wearing a heavily spiked black leather cat suit with a very long strap-on device attached. The slave puppets collectively moan in anticipation. The puppets quickly surround Jimmy and begin to chant. Lady Dom’s eyes roll back in her head momentarily as she slowly approaches the table. Jimmy can only watch in paralyzed horror. Lady Dom reaches the edge of the table and quickly leaps up onto it with cat-like precision. She hovers above Jimmy for a few brief moments before finally beginning her descent. Jimmy feels the sweat pouring down his face and his heart beat pounding, …..and then, suddenly, …..he passes out ….
The sound of a cash register draw closing jars Jimmy from his deep, dark sleep. He opens his eyes and realizes he’s sitting on a chair in the front room of the toy store. He looks across the store and sees the clerk finishing up a sale with a customer. After the customer leaves, the clerk walks over to the front door. He grabs the sign hanging on the door and turns it over, from, ‘yes, we’re open’ to ‘no, we’re closed’.
Jimmy looks at his watch and sees that it is 4:30 PM. He realizes he’s been in the store for over 4 hours. As he looks up from his watch, he catches a glimpse of his shirt and notices that it’s on backwards.
He gets up and walks over to the clerk and says, “Hey, how’s it goin’ … remember me?”
The clerk responds, “Yes sir.”
Jimmy asks, “Did I fall asleep or something…?”
The clerk replies, “Yes …. well …. not exactly sir.”
Jimmy inquires, “Can you tell me what happened then, … ’cause the last thing I remember was goin’ into the back room to look at some toys.”
The clerk catches his breath and answers, “Well sir…I was concerned about you….you were gone for the better part of 3 hours … so when I got a free moment, I went into the back room to see how you were doing, … at first I didn’t see you … but then as if from thin air … I saw you….”
The clerk pauses with a slightly horrified look on his face.
Jimmy quickly interjects, “Yes, and then what happened?”
The clerk continues, “Well sir, I found you slumped over some boxes, …passed out. So I brought you into the front room and put you in a chair ….”
Jimmy waits for the clerk to continue, expecting more to the story, but the clerk remains quiet. Finally Jimmy asks, “And that’s it?”
The clerk raises his eyebrows but doesn’t respond.
Jimmy looks down at his shirt and inquires, “I don’t suppose you know why my shirt is on backwards, do you?”
The clerk hesitates for a moment and swallows. He then answers, “Well sir … when I found you … you didn’t have any of your clothes on …. so I figured it would be best to dress you first, … I mean, before I brought you out …. sorry, …. I guess I messed up your shirt.”
Jimmy stares at the clerk and tries to digest what he just heard. He briefly looks down at his shirt and then back up at the clerk. Now very embarrassed, Jimmy says, “Really!!! ….no clothes, huh? … isn’t that interesting, …. ahh …OK, … I guess, I should really thank you then …”
The clerk stares back at Jimmy, noting his great discomfort, and decides it’s best to remain quiet. Eventually, however, curiosity gets the better of the him and the clerk blurts out. “Well sir, …. there was one more very peculiar thing….”
Jimmy interrupts, “More? … There’s more? …. you’ve gotta be kidding me!!!, … OK dude, spill it …what else happened?”
Reluctantly, the clerk adds, “Well sir, …. when I found you ….. your hands, ….. well, …. they were tied sir…..” The clerk holds his hands together over his head in demonstration. He then continues, “….and this toy trumpet here,…” The clerk points to a long cylindrical red trumpet on the counter. “… well sir, … it was wedged in your ….. butt, ….sir”.
Silence falls over the toy shop for what seems like an eternity.
Jimmy looks down at the trumpet for a few seconds and then back at the clerk. In an attempt to change the subject, Jimmy says, “Hmmm, ….you know, …I came in here to buy a present for my nephew and I think this toy trumpet here will do nicely. I’d like to buy it.”
Jimmy pauses and then adds, “ But …. obviously, not this one … do you have another one I can buy?”
The clerk replies, “Yes sir,…right away sir.”
The clerk reaches up to a shelf behind the counter and returns with another identical toy trumpet. He says, “Here you go sir, good choice sir … I’m sure your nephew with have hours of fun playing with it …” The clerk pauses and then quickly corrects himself, “…I mean playing it, sir….”
Jimmy throws a quick stare at the clerk, who is now sweating profusely, and asks, “How much?”
The clerk replies “$5.95 sir.”
Jimmy reaches into his pocket and pays the clerk. The clerk takes the money and completes the transaction.
Jimmy quietly says, “Thank you.” and the clerks replies, “Have a good day sir.”
Jimmy picks up the trumpet and walks to the front door. As he leaves the shop, he mumbles under his breath, “I’m gonna kill Pete when I see him …”
