Friday March 29th 2024

For The Worse / Lions Law / Hammer and the Nails / The Damn Garrison

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For The Worse / Lions Law / Hammer and the Nails / The Damn Garrison
Middle East (Upstairs), Cambridge MA 9/2/14

 

I park my Studebaker with the valet. I take my ticket and stroll into the nightclub. I leave my fedora and raincoat with the coat check girl and put the ticket in my left breast pocket.

This is the Middle Eastern Nightclub and I’m surprised that there’s no belly dancers tonight. But I’m not here on recreational activities this evening. I’m a P.I. And I’m here to do my job.

The Damn Garrison is the first band and they’re from New Hampshire. And they do this music called “Oi” which I figured was Jewish punk music.

I’ve been corrected by Slimedog and he’s let it be known that he considers them the best doggone Oi band on TNB.

I give as much thought or credence to what Slimedog thinks as I do to the crack heads in the alley way. But, I must admit, he seems to be onto something here.

I hear that this is their last gig with their current crooner but they will be carrying on.

And I’m thinking this is the best thing I’ve heard all week and this is will probably be the best band I hear tonight.

Oh, yeah the night is young but I think these guys are great, even if Slimedog thinks so too.

Hammer and the Nails are next and they’re a local band. They play the Oi melodies as well. I like them but they seem a bit slick to me.

They’re not bad, they’re excellent players- but they don’t have enough grit for me, I guess. But I’m sure that the TNB guys would disagree with me- so give them a chance, why don’t you?

Lions Law is next and it turns out they’re a French Oi band! Though I think they might be a “Oui” band as they stagger out dressed as mimes with berets and proceed to break baguettes over each others heads. (Note to Andy: this paragraph did not happen. It’s just a product of a diseased mind. I know you need product but I feel the inclusion of this paragraph will cause people to look down upon us- please delete).

Lions Law is next and is a French Oi band! A French Oi band that immediately proceeds to surrender to people of German heritage in the crowd and french kiss french poodles while consuming opulent vats of french onion soup. At this point the band tosses french fries into the audience in a disgraceful attempt to appease the rioting crowd. (Note to Andy: this paragraph did not happen, also. Perhaps we could run an ad for Metal Head Dating here instead. I promise to concentrate more clearly at the task at hand. The detective stepped out to take a leak).

Lions Law, you may be surprised to learn, is a French Oi band. I have my reservations as I know the French are known as having a love for rock’n’roll and being wholly unable to play it. But these guys are quite adept at what they do. Like other European bands who play punk and are not from England they do sing with British accents which I guess makes sense.

And though I might’ve said the French should stick to making cheese and paintings, Lions Law is the real thing.

Now it’s time for For The Worse and with Mike McCarthy on board you never know what will happen!

Though Mike is one of the best stage performers of any band on TNB he comes with a bit of danger and unpredictability- which can be fun, too.

For The Worse is basically No Tox with Mike on board or maybe, more accurately, No Tox is For The Worse without Mike? Either way both bands have great music and put on a strong show.

This band is great punk/hardcore awesomeness with an engaging and effective lead singer which gets the crowd going ballistic. I was a little disappointed with the meager bits of moshing earlier but now they cover the whole floor causing me to hide at the side of the stage for safety. Matty and Dennis stand out as the most extreme moshers tonight while Janelle and Jennifer back off.

Mike is tossing out super balls into the crowd. They bounce and spring much like the moshers, randomly ricocheting around the room, like the sounds bouncing off the walls, much like our lives.

Then Simon, Slimedog’s pet giraffe, leads a herd of giraffes on stage with flaming headgear causing the sprinkler system to rain water down upon the crowd. (Note to Andy: please delete this part. I’m not sure but I believe it never happened).

Then twelve French mimes with berets and black and white striped shirts and purple leotards come prancing up the aisles sexually assaulting the giraffes as Miley Cyrus crashes through the ceiling, riding naked on a disco ball, with flames shooting out of her eyes disintegrating the Coors Light dancing girls who have arrived prematurely for the Sunday brunch, primly laying out place mats with the specials on omelets, mimosas and Bloody Mary’s.

I try to save the last breathing survivors from this horrendous disaster by dragging them up the steps and administrating emergency first aid…

(Note to Andy: please omit the previous paragraphs as they may seem too graphic for our projected demographic).

 

(Roger Fox Dogs, P.I.)

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