Thursday March 28th 2024

Funeral Cone – “Turn Me On Dead Man”

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Funeral Cone – “Turn Me On Dead Man”

 

There was a very early, very good Boston punk band called The Girls. Of course, there were no girls in the band, just four geeky nerds, one of whom played synthesizer.

I’ve described The Girls to folks who knew them as- “Devo if they snorted horse tranquilizer,” and most folks say that description is strangely accurate.

But besides early L.A. punk band, The Screamers, I’ve never heard a band that sounded anything like them. That is until now.

Funeral Cone is wildly creative and weird. Arty, not so much in the “Oh my, aren’t we clever” vein but in the “we’re gonna disrupt everything, knock everything off the table, do not what you expect us to do”- but done all in the spirit of fun and excitement and joy-vein.

And this band is fun and exciting and does sound like if you force fed Devo, horse tranquilizers, and then took them to an amusement park. Where they rode the Ferris Wheel and the merry-go-round for about, seventeen hours, and then took them directly to the studio to record.

So let’s munch on some cotton candy, try to make the ball fall out of the little tube with our water guns to win a prize and listen:

“Pink Walls” has careening keyboards, call and response- in your face vocals, a militaristic, call to arms guitar lick and an energy that ignites your solar plexus and kicks ass while taking no prisoners- all in forty-eight seconds.

“Hard Copy” begins with some Bach-like keyboard line, sounding like as if it was played on an accordion. Soon there’s a dive bombing guitar to compliment the colossal, crashing rhythms. “I’m an American for what it’s worth.” The emphatic, emotional vocals are blurred and hazy, the energy, powerful and unrelenting and the music intense, energetic and wonderful.

“Soviet Twin” starts with a guitar riff, taken up by the bassist, then the keyboards and drums, seeing what fun they’re having, decide to join in. This song sounds quite like The Screamers, an early L.A. punk band that had two synthesizers, a vocalist and drummer and no guitars. “My soviet twin isn’t free. No! My soviet twin is just like me!” I’m not sure if it was proven that this band had any collusion with the Russian punk band, Pussy Riot. But I do know this song is great and wild and exciting. “In the land of milk and honey our blood went red.”

“Carol, I Know” kicks off with chords that recall to me, “New York’s Alright If You Like Saxophones” by the band Fear. (A great song and great band indeed). But soon the pace switches to a surf beat, a-la The B-52’s. “Carol I know things are killing you. Carol, I know things are turning- black,” (Instead of blue). This song is eerie, exciting and excellent- (And makes me think of Blondie, Devo, and Tuxedo Moon simultaneously.) And is also, my favorite tune on this album.

With the sound of seagulls in the lurch, waiting to swoop down and steal your french fries, “Beach Party Ya Ya,” explodes in energy with dissonant guitar licks lapping in like seaside waves against the frolicking, farfisa organ. This song mixes hardcore with surf with experimental and classical and bird noises. And is worth more than all the french fries lost to seagulls by the sea. Which is saying- a lot!

“Legion Arms” arrives with a lone, classical keyboard phrase that conjures up the Charlie Brown theme and The Stranglers to me. And then after these almost prog rock like proceedings, this song erupts into a hardcore rant with the singer proclaiming, “Fuck you! I’m not afraid of you.” As soon this song blazes out in a fury of anger and passion.

Though I don’t know any current band that sounds like Funeral Cone, I hope there is a tiny band inside my brain that plays songs like they play. They’re a marching band, you see, and yes, to no ones surprise, they are all horse tranquilizer addicts.

But Funeral Cone has roller rink, sixties farfisa organ over frantic, hysterical male and sometimes, female vocals, energetic and short songs that sound like a roller coaster going off its’ rails in unexpected twists and turns, that is aggressive as it’s surreal, exciting as it is harrowing. This band is equal parts surf, garage, punk and koo-koo (experimental).

Before listening to this album I thought that snorting horse tranquilizer was just about the best feeling one could experience in the world. But now I’ve decided, from now on, only to drink- and write wildly, unbelievable claims.

But I’m not lying when I say Funeral Cone contains the true spirit of the original punk scene, something that I rarely hear in the bands I write about. And I usually choose four or five songs from a release, this album I liked so much, I wanted to do twelve! And it most certainly will be in my top picks of the year, you can bet your stash of horse tranquilizer on that!

I can’t express how much this album makes me want to leap up and down and bash my head into the ceiling, causing then for the marching band to spill out of the sides of my head. All that brain matter, on the floor, mixed with the blood along with the trombones and tubas. And as I nearly expire from my wounds, I take condolence that this music will continue on in glorious display- never stopping, always raging blissfully in a carousing, passionate splash. As I will take inspiration from, to keep on living, gathering my strength to keep moving on.

Only to pause to scoop up the spilled horse tranquilizer off the floor.

(Slimedog)

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