Thrash N Bang’s Fourth Annual Xmas Punk Pizza Party
Lucky United / The Pity Whores / The Radicals / Jenn Lombari / Slimedog’s Puppet Show
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 12/20/14
This show registered our most solemn and reverential one of the year and is our religious Christmas celebration. Mind you, our celebration did consist of puppet buggery, endangered species gorging, fifties music bass player’s- but still the holiday spirit of family fights, drunkenness and sacrilegious ceremony weighed heavily upon our joyous hearts.
Meaning- we had a hell of a good time, a great turnout and even greater bands along with ten large pizzas and when you put your left foot in and you shake it all about, then turn around and do the hokey-pokey- well, that my friend, is what it’s all about!
The following is a dual texting live review. Anyone who is physically, emotionally, intellectually stable is warned not to engage in such activities. The staff of TNB, though lacking in all stated matter, is fully equipped to endure this dangerous and frightful endeavor.
So sit back and relax, strap your senses in, strap the strap-on onto the missus and let the holiday spirit entice you where the census is your senses are about to implode onto the surface of dual texting.
(The first band, Fast Times, had to cancel at the last minute and Slimedog decided to have his Puppet Show perform in their place. As usual the performance was a disaster ending with the crowd tossing debris, excrement and even pizza at a forlorn and disheartened Slimedog).
Slimedog- Well that turned out horrendously.
Andy- I was a bit late and missed it. What happened?
Slimedog- I had the puppets perform the delightful Christmas show “The Nutcracker” which they proceeded to change into an x-rated S&M performance centered on the harming of a man’s naughty parts. I went to break it up but it seemed the crowd liked it this time! Hence the debris and excrement being thrown and still hanging off my face! I’m so ashamed. (Be sure to cut this part out)
Andy- Those puppets have more fun than anybody I know. Maybe they should have performed something a bit gentler, like 50 shades of wood. But speaking of fun, there’s a young lady approaching the stage with a guitar.
Slimedog- Yes that’s Jenn Lombari doing an acoustic set. She’s having a solo album out in the spring and is performing later here today with her band Lucky United.
Andy- That’s cool. It was awesome of her to fill in for Phil McCaffery at the last minute. She’s a very talented performer.
Slimedog- She’s my favorite local songwriter and she’s dedicating my favorite song by her “Louder Than War” to me right now! What a great set with nothing being thrown!
Andy- Nice. Hey I just noticed two of your puppets sitting at the bar eating the pizza meant for the guests. What’s up with that?
Slimedog- Uh, the deal is unlimited pizza for everyone today! Nothing says the holiday spirit like punk rock, pizza and degenerate puppets! Hey The Radicals are playing. They’re radical!
Andy- The Radicals are quite peppy aren’t they? I like them. What I don’t like is that demented looking puppet over there slurping down a slice of pizza while making obscene gestures at me.
Slimedog- Hey they’re dedicating “7 Cups Of Coffee” to me ’cause they know that’s my favorite by them. The Radicals always play at a frenzied, frantic pace with loads of great tunes. Perhaps you should just ask the puppet to step outside or to the symphony. They say that violins solve everything.
Andy- I hate to get upset on such a festive occasion. Perhaps I can reason with it. You know I just realized that this is the first TNB Xmas party without a set by Fast Times.
Slimedog- Yeah the drummer is sick and he’s also very ill. But the other guys came out to watch/listen and look it’s Miss Lyn, Blowfish and John all from the great music website Boston Groupie News.
Andy- Cool. It was nice of them to come by. Looks like Jenn is getting ready to go back on stage.
Slimedog- Eh, that’s Rory the bass player of The Pity Whores setting up. I’m tired of getting the pizza from next door. I just sent Simon (our giraffe) to go get them.
Andy- Better be careful Simon has a hefty appetite. While The Pity Whores are getting ready, I think I’ll try to make friends with that demented puppet over there.
Slimedog- Good, in the meantime I’ll break a pizza box over my head and go harass the Pity Whores. They are the only band who’ve played all four Xmas shows.
Andy- I think that’s only because they’ll do anything for pizza.
(Andy walks over to the puppet at the bar and after a lively exchange returns with a noticeable limp).
Slimedog- Hey what happened to your leg? And Simon’s hair seems to be singed. It appears he fell into the fry-o-later next door.
Andy- I went over and introduced myself to the puppet over there and he asked if I wouldn’t mind bending over to pick up the quarter he dropped on the floor. Well I was bending over one thing led to another and before I knew it strange banjo music was playing in the background. So it’s not really my leg that is hurting as you can imagine. Too bad about Simon.
Slimedog- Yes another festive “Holiday Tale”as told by Andy Bang. Well while you’re giving new meaning to the term “sporting wood” , The Pity Whores are kicking ass as usual with their mix of pop/punk, hardcore and Mongolian sea chantey’s. Well, it seems our pizza has a new topping- seared giraffe skin.
Andy- Giraffe skin? I thought it was just lame pepperoni. Actually has a nice flavor. I must say those Pity Whores never disappoint.
Slimedog- Besides being viciously vapid vagabonds they do play the best sea chantey’s of any band we know. Well now it’s time for Jenn to return to the stage with her band Lucky United. I guess I could say that I have to leave to play bass in a fifties band at the Norwood Country Club but no one will believe that, right?
Andy- Probably not. That’s like comparing a root canal to a hand-job. Hey check out the size of this splinter I just pulled out of my shorts. Wow Jenn sounds great with her new band.
Slimedog- Yeah they’re old school punk and rock’n’roll with superb songwriting. And they play some Christmas songs as well, great set. Well, we had a great turn out and a lot of fun as usual during our sacred holy holiday celebration!
Andy- True. And I hope we have many more to come. But next time, leave your puppets home. They can be a real pain in the ass!
