Sunday January 21st 2018

Moist Boy – “Moist Boy”


Moist Boy – “Moist Boy”


This band is from New Bedford, MA. Purported to be a rough kind of place. Not the kind of town where, if someone was to ask you what’s the name of your band? You don’t wanna have to reply “Moist Boy.”

Wet Guys might not cut it either. I’m looking at the synonyms. Hmm, “tearful, watery, misty, dewy,”- “Her eyes grew moist.”

Best I can come up with to help these guys is Dehydrated Damp Guys.

But I’m just trying to help, I’d hate to see what an apt description of me might be.

But of their music, this is the place where garage rock collides with punk, swerves off the road and crashes into grunge and early indi.

So Lou Reed and Jonathan Richman are driving along, they crash into a car driven by Joey Ramone- it goes off the road and demolishes a lemonade stand manned by J.Marcis and Kathleen Hanna. Black Francis and Thurston Moore drop their cups of lemonade at the sound of the crash and the proper authorities are contacted.

The Moist Boys EP is playing while this is happening. And if you ask me, “Did this really happen?”

Well, I would say I have no proof it did, but if you listen to this record then you can well imagine someone writing those very words.

And this EP does exist, so let’s listen to the proof:

“I need you to waste my time,” are the first lyrics off the Moist Boys cd. I’m not wasting my time, I’m getting to the gist of it. That line follows a great, garage barrage of guitar. “Not like I got better things to do. When you’re not around it’s like I might as well have died.” This song moves along with glorious, guitar chords and a garage, rockin’ beat recalling everybody from The Velvet Underground to The Modern Lovers to The Feelies to Dinosaur Jr. “I’m already past my prime. Pretty sure I won’t see nothing new. And I’m sure you’re the only reason I survive.” This is a subtle love song bordering on a stalker’s suicide note. As the groove, grunges along and the guitars, gloriously grind- “I think it would be sublime if you would just kill my afternoon, maybe kill my evening, too. I’m never satisfied. I need you to waste my time.” Spoken with the voice of a person you don’t want to have in a high tower at a college with a high powered rifle. This song is super, duper great and the exact opposite of a waste of time.

“Did You???” comes blasting out blaring with a Ramones/hardcore blast over over-saturated vocals. “Did you hear what I heard on the radio? Did you see what I saw on TV?” This song has a pulsating, rockin’ groove with cool, high dual guitar licks soaring in like eagles on LSD. “That we don’t need and that we’ve bought before.” The singer’s emphatic plea reminds me of Black Francis from The Pixies which I think, is a great reference. This song rocks hard and kicks life squarely in the balls.

“Shitbag”- “Wasted today, what a big surprise. I’m wasted every day of my whole life. What else to do, but get high and watch TV?” Intense vocals, grunge-y chords grungin’ away along a steady, rockin’ beat. “I’m a shit bag, and that’s all I’ll ever be. Don’t go no job, don’t got no wife, don’t got no friends. I don’t got no life.” Somehow, I don’t believe these lyrics reflect the singer’s life but I think everyone reading this knows a few guys that live this life and could’ve written this, that is- if they had a life. Great tune.

“I Wanna Be A GMO,” starts with a great, garage-y rhythm and a lead guitar note or two, slithering off into the stratosphere. “I have a hunchback and I’m overweight. Why did my parents have to procreate?” The guitar slashes along as the vocals bleat, “But when I look at my food. Well, it always looks so good. Why don’t I?…because I wasn’t born a vegetable. I really want to be a GMO.” If it was healthy, as this song is good, I would too!

“I Don’t Wanna Go Outside No More!!!”- is a song with a Ramones-like riff that talks about someone who doesn’t want to experience our wonderful, modern, corporate existance anymore. “I don”t wanna see this world no more! I think my room is goood enough. Everybody thinks I’m missing out. Well, I don’t need that stuff.” Except for going to shows and the necessity of going to work, I pretty much agree with the sentiment of this song. My favorite part is when the guitars converge and squeal like cars crashing at an intersection. This is my favorite song on the EP.

I had a chance to catch this band recently but I didn’t venture out from my room. I wish I hadn’t stayed put but, then I guess that action, fits more within the concept of this record.

But you need only put a few fingers on the keyboard to land within the music these cats are laying, I’m betting you won’t disagree, that this is some fine stuff you’ve landed on.

Me, I try to take everything in stride. Not too up, not too low, that’s the Buddhist way.

But that’s not really my way. Another shot and a beer leads the shortest path to paradise that I see.


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