Friday March 29th 2024

Nervous Eaters / Fast Times / FU’s / CrimeSpree / Kermit’s Finger

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Nervous Eaters / Fast Times / FU’s / CrimeSpree / Kermit’s Finger
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA       10/15/16

 

Here’s a show with a lineup similar to one I, previously, called the best of the year. Unfortunately, I must now report- this was the worst show of the year! No, untrue, not even close!  Perhaps this is the worst review of the year? But here’s a repeat of the best, with the mighty F.U’s added. And Andy Bang, free on furlough, an added plus. This is a dual texting live review that should never be attempted with out animal trainers and tasers handy, which is, of course, how we always conduct our dual text live reviews- under the intense scrutiny of the Cincinnati Zoo staff and attendants.

So sit back, relax, let your mind regress to when you were an infant- all the better to comprehend the mysterious, delirious romp through life and fantasy that comprises what we like to call- dual texting.

 

Slimedog- Have you seen them arrive yet?

Andy- Have I seen who arrive yet?

Slimedog- Oh, the puppets. I gave the car keys to one of them to pick up another of them.

Andy- Really? I didn’t know puppets could see over the dashboard. How many puppets we talkin’ about?

Slimedog- Well, just a few. One of them is ill today so Kermit’s Finger was gracious enough to lend me their Kermit puppet, as you see, resting on my shoulder.

Andy- Oh, so that’s where Kermit came from. What kind of beer does he drink?

Slimedog- He doesn’t drink beer but exists solely on the blood from flies, much like myself. Hey, the puppets aren’t here but Jo is back from L.A. with her former roommate Carolyn. And Lianne from Sweden is visiting also.

Andy- Yeah I haven’t seen those folks for awhile, especially since I’ve been breaking rocks (incarcerated) in Kentucky. (Due to Slimedog’s unintentional facebook misrepresentations.)

Slimedog- What was your excuse for a furlough today?

Andy- I told them my grandma was very ill and could go at any time.

Slimedog- Excellent. Hey, my fiancee, Rachael is here. It’s her birthday and I brought an ice cream cake to celebrate.

Andy- Awesome. I see she’s also sporting a crown and a wand.

Slimedog- Yes, and she’s with her boyfriend Nick, leader of Fast Times. Thank goodness for Nick, you see my wand does not produce any magic anymore and he takes care of my princess’s needs.

Andy- Ah, hmm, I see…well, I was wondering if maybe she could turn your puppet, Kermit, into something.

Slimedog- She did kiss him earlier and he turned into Prince singing “Purple Rain,” but let us turn our attention towards the stage as Kermit’s Finger is playing.

Andy- Cool, let’s have a listen. Have I been down in Kentucky too long or do they have a bit of a country/punk thing goin’?

Slimedog- Yeah, also a lot of early punk/hardcore influence. I would describe them as Crosby, Stills and Nash dressed up as Kiss playing songs by the Circle Jerks.

Andy- Nice visual. No wonder Neil Young left them. Hey, you’d better be careful, I think Kermit is getting a music woody.

Slimedog- Like I did in the old days. (Sighs heavily.) Kermit’s Finger is a great punk band. Now CrimeSpree, a new hardcore band from Plymouth, is ready to play. I’ve described them as Kiss dressed up as Jefferson Airplane playing songs by Black Flag.

Andy- I get it, the common theme is Kiss. You want Kermit to kiss you, right?

Slimedog- No, my hero, Ted Cruz says homosexuality is an abomination against The Lord, though, I believe bestiality is A.O.K. But, oh, how I wish my magic wand would sprinkle it’s magic dust once again. (Sighs heavily.) But CrimeSpree is a great hardcore band with maybe a dash of thrash.

Andy- Yes I agree. I’m pretty sure The Lord is not into bestiality and also CrimeSpree is a cool band. It might also be good if you can get your wand fixed cause it might be nice to smoke some of that magic dust.

Slimedog- Hmm, the fact that we do these dual reviews sober and they deteriorate to this degree- I don’t think the readers are thinking, “Now, if they would only take some drugs!”  The F.U’s are now playing and they have their original guitarist from Texas with them tonight.

Andy- Yes, along with what appears to be 3 of your missing puppets. I must say, they sound quite scrumptious today.

Slimedog- Yes, one could say they sound scrotum-ly scrumptious. Actually, that’s the original drummer along with Ian on guitar and Ed on bass, the last two, who live in Salem. I’ve seen this band 87 times and I think this is the best time yet.

Andy- Wow you keep good records. I’m thinking this is the second time I’ve seen them, but they were good both times.

Slimedog- You’ve seen them 47 times, actually, according to my database.

Andy- You’re probably right. I feel my memory is failing since they’ve been force feeding me KFC in my small jail cell.

Slimedog- Yeah, the only good thing about memory loss is you forget you have it. Now it’s time for Fast Times who I’ve described as the Dave Matthews Band dressed as Abba playing the songs of Slayer.

Andy- Is it just me or does Fast Times have a knack for getting punky looking drum players with colorful hair. Also I really like what Nick is doing with his hair these days. They sound awesome today.

Slimedog- Yeah I don’t know if you can remember that far back but that’s CrimeSpree’s drummer filling in today for their regular drummer, Pat, who’s off playing guitar with Mooseknuckle today. Fast Times is one of the best hardcore bands we cover.

Andy- Really, we’re missing Mooseknuckle today? Oh, well, this is a good show too. Don’t you think?

Slimedog- True dat. Great bands and I’m enjoying all the great people including Lindsey, my punk daughter and Blowfish from bostongroupienews.com  And can I point out now that Nick organized this show and his dad plays in the next band, Nervous Eaters? (And that my car turned up the next day, stripped, and in Chelsea.)

Andy- Nick putting on the show was a noble effort indeed. And where else can you find a show where the musicians are older than us.

Slimedog- Good point and though the Nervous Eaters are playing slower than the previous bands- when they started, being into hardcore didn’t mean music but that you liked x-rated films. The younger people here today seem really into them, staring rapt with attention.

Andy- Are they playing slower? Perhaps soon the geritol will kick in. At any rate it’s good to hear a few of the old classics.

Slimedog- They just ended with “Loretta” with Nick up there singing backups. And an encore with “Shit For Brains”, a song which Kermit’s Finger covered earlier today. (and was written in the belief, that Thrash N Bang would indeed, exist one day)

Andy- Yes, but my curfew is up and I gotta get back to solitary before they figure out granny is OK. So until I break out again I’ll bid you adieu…

Slimedog- Yeah, good luck. I’m just gonna tell Nick to keep at it and hopefully, someday he’ll reach the heights of fame and fortune his dad has.

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