Thrash N Bangs 47th Annual XMAS / Pizza Party
Midway Cafe, Jamaica Plain, MA 12/17/17
The following is a dual texting of our recent, nearly half century old, Xmas party. Dual texting, once thought to be harmless, has proven to cause middle aged men to act like behavioral problem teenagers hyped up on substances that would derail a hippopotamus.
That is what we seek to recreate- but all others should, please stand far back before the yellow line.
As we enter the sacred realm, the space beyond all time and energy, to a land that embraces the very essence of a Dollar Store- dual texting.
Slimedog- Well, here we are at the 47th TNB Xmas Party. Imagine- we started this website six years before punk even existed?
Andy- Yah, I guess our premonition of punk taking over the world was spot on.
Slimedog- Yes, and given the fact that this was ten years before we ever met and decades before the internet happened, makes it all the more astounding!
Andy- Well, not really, when you take into account that you, me and Al Gore (inventor of the internet) all share the same brain.
Slimedog- Ah, that explains a lot. Would appear I got a disproportionate part of the brain! But these shows are always memorable. Well, not always. In fact, I can only remember the last six. And I’ll probably be black out drunk through this one and not remember a thing.
Andy- Does that mean we can bag this one?
Slimedog- No, there is too much pizza to be had, many eardrums to be abused and numerous neurons to be dispelled with, to quit now- The Hangovers are up first.
Andy- Ah pizza. The food of the Gods. Let’s eat, drink and puke up a lung, while Bob McGunk serenades us with hostile lamentings.
Slimedog- Yeah, this is Bob’s other band besides the great- The McGunks. They sound like a cross between Motorhead and Reverend Horton Heat.
Andy- Nice analogy. Yes, they are very spunky.
Slimedog- I know they’re first but I feel this is what awaits me, first thing tomorrow.
Andy- Why’s that?
Slimedog- ‘Cause I’ll be hungover. This sounds more metal than Bob’s usual punk’n’roll, but still- excellent stuff.
Andy- Oh, I thought you were inferring you were gonna invite Bob back to your place for a sleepover.
Slimedog- Well, I’ll try to ply him with some drinks but I don’t think I’ll get that lucky. Now this is Lindsey’s, from Whoopi Sticks, other band Sewer Buddies- and they play punk music for young kids. Trying to give them an option from the usual pop fluff that they first latch upon.
Andy- It’s too bad we didn’t have more money. Then maybe we could afford to hire Bob and Lindsey’s real bands. But alas not many bands work for pizza these days. Punk music for kids you say? Maybe the spawn of Satan. They’re scary good.
Slimedog- Yeah, I had hoped to get Taylor Swift but she insisted on pepperoni pizza! These guys play some rip roaring punk with songs like “Henry The Spider” and my fave “Do The Doggy Ears.”
Andy- Very exciting stuff. Nothing quite like punk bestiality.
Slimedog- Now it’s time for The Grommets, a husband and wife team, much like Captain and Tennille except they don’t play utter crap, but great, early punk influenced tunes.
Andy- Speaking of grommets, my doctor wanted to surgically implanted one into my rectum to prevent tearing, but, of course, I digress. Yes, these folks remind me of the early days of punk. Nice energy.
Slimedog- And a nice version of The Dogmatics, “It Sure Don’t Feel Like Christmas Time.” Oh, they’re playing “We’re Getting Old”- I got to jump on stage to sing along with this one.
Andy- Let me know when you’re done. I’m gonna go take a power nap.
Slimedog- Blowfish and Miss Lyn, of the great bostongroupienews.com, were left of the stage and I taunted them when I was done. “I’m not old but you are!” I said to them… I left them in tears!
Andy- Yeah, it’s great that they could make it to our pizza party. Hmm, come to think of it, I don’t recall ever getting an invite to any of their parties.
Slimedog- Well, they’re big time, unlike us. I believe they hold their shows at Gillette Stadium. Now it’s time for CAC, which stands for Christians Against Christ. They’re a straight-edge Christian rock band. They believe that Jesus was a peace loving, easy-going, accepting fellow but they feel they should kill anybody different from them and protect bathrooms, at all cost, from transgender folks.
Andy- Oh, you mean CAC stands for something? I thought it was a word. Like the sound a kitty makes when puking up a hair ball. Who knew?
Slimedog- Seems I’m mistaken- led by a female dynamo, Alecks, they are a wild, punky Oi/hardcore band that spontaneously explodes in ferocious fury and fantastic fun- best set yet!
Andy- Yeah, wow, great stuff.
Slimedog- And now it’s time for Cape Cods’ Crimespree.
Andy- It’s too bad our buddy Nick is no longer a member of Crimespree. Not from a musical standpoint, but because he’s been at every one of our previous pizza parties. Sadly now the streak is broken.
Slimedog- Which is amazing as he’s in his early thirties and this is our 47th show!
Andy-Well, time travel helps.
Slimedog- I remember this band as thrash/hardcore but now they seem to be almost extreme metal, Slayer like.
Andy- Yeah, nice speed. Great sound. Definitely my cup of tea.
Slimedog- How would you describe their style?
Andy- Sort of like speed hardcore or speedy speed. Maybe just speed says it all.
Slimedog- Great end to a great show. How would you rank this one amongst the forty-seven?
Andy- Oh, I think this one was definitely the best. And I’m not just saying that because I can’t remember the other forty-six. I thought the pizza tasted the best, as well.
Slimedog- And the Jagermeister was exquisite. I think I’m gonna have my 22nd birthday in May, right here.
Andy- Awesome. You know Jagermeister is a good digestive. Good thing I wore my special undergarments this evening.
Slimedog- Hmm, maybe you should re-think implanting that grommet thing.
